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Helper: Doctor Doctor come quick I think we got a situation! A patients over here-
Doctor: Does he have a reservation?
Helper: You mean an appointment? Yeah its at 4:30.
Doctor: Well let me wash my hands they just got a little dirty.
Doctor: Whats his living situation?
Helper: Well he lives all alone, but he eats, he drinks, he breathes, and he can rock a microphone.
Doctor: Does his house have old piping?
Helper: That I think it does. Built in 1910 without no renovation cuz!
Doctor: Howdy, nice to meet you, whats your problem seem to be?
Patient: DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!....or ill kill you….
Doctor: Aggressive behavior…yes I see….
Patient: Sorry Doc, its just for 2 weeks I haven’t been hungry!
Patient: My stomachs always hurtin, and I’m always throwing up, I cant walk straight, do I need to pee in a cup?
Doctor: No
Patient: My lifes in shambles! I think I had a seizure! I might go into a coma if I don’t have some painless leisure!
Doctor: Calm down, calm down, I’ll see what I can do, now just follow my directions, we’ll find out whats wrong with you. No need to worry because I am the medicine man, now try walking in a straight line and see if you can.
(Patient stumbles/dances on ground)
Patient: Its no use doc, there must be something wrong with my bones. I heard your helper say its maybe cause old pipes in my home?
Doc: Its not your bones that are screwy, its your central nervous system. You got any other problems? And you think that you could list em?
Patient: I’ve got difficulty sleeping, among other things. I get headaches so bad that it makes both my ears ring.
Patient: My stomachs always hurtin, and I’m always throwing up, I can’t walk straight, do I need to pee in a cup?
Doctor: No
Patient: My lifes in shambles! I think I had a seizure! I might go into a coma if I don’t have some painless leisure!
Doctor: Tell me boy, how dusty is this place where you live?
Patient: I’ve never cleaned it, so I have a few dustballs to give…
Doctor: That’s what I thought; do you think you could have eaten a few?
Patient: A few dustballs? Yeah I guess…one or two…
Doctor: Thank you for the information I shall return, I must converse with my associates and see what we learn.
Patient: Take your time doctor I might try to take a short nap, I haven’t slept in two weeks and so I feel like crap.
Doctor: We’ve got a special case in exam room 4.
Associate: What it is?
Doctor: I’ve never seen anything like it before.
Associate: That’s odd, let me take a little look at your data, has he found any help, any pain alleviator?
Doctor: His stomachs always hurtin, and he’s always throwing up, He can’t walk straight, he tried to pee in a cup.
Associate: Gross
Doctor: His lifes in shambles! It’s our job to treat him. He thinks he had a seizure. We cant let this thing defeat him!
Doctor: Hey champ, how was your nap, could you finally fall asleep?
Patient: ‘Fraid not Doc, this illness is about to make me weep.
Doctor: I know how you feel. We’ve just got one more test to do, and its gonna hurt me a lot more than its gonna hurt you.
Doctor: Spread your arms, close your eyes, and tell me what you feel, all of this is just to try to get you to heal.
Patient: That didn’t hurt, I just felt a little sting that’s all,
Doctor: Reduced sensations…then it must be just as I thought….
Patient: Whats my problem doc, can you make my illness disappear?
Doctor: I’ll see what I can do, but it met my greatest fear.
Patient: Whatchu mean, whats the name of this affliction im bestowing?
Doctor: I don’t know, lets ask the class cause the answer they be knowin.
Patient: What the answer be, please tell me.